Be A Unicorn Princess...

Some days there's just no other choice but to be a Unicorn Princess. These are just some quick snaps I did in an outfit and with poses from The Imaginarium Gacha. These are just in my Turnip's Sky Dome, nothing fancy. I'll write in the credits later.

This cute top and pants are common prizes in the Unicorn pj gacha. I threw on a unicorn head piece and some sparkly makeup from Shiny Stuffs and voila.

The first picture above was taken with my Girly AO from Semotion but this one was taken using poses from the K & S gacha.

and these are two slightly different views of another pose from the same gacha.

My flower tattoos are by Pichi,

I've been struggling a lot with depression and anxiety lately. Messing around dressing up helped some.  My hair is by Phoenix hair, more later.

Read More

LaQ Sandy Bento Head - Tropical Glow time

I've been wearing the Catwa Lona head for a long time now, practically since it came out which I am sure is longer than a year ago. When I came back to sl, I got a new shape, new skin etcetera for it and that was my makeover. However, I do like to change looks from time to time but I find that 5k pop every time with Catwa to be prohibitive. I'm disabled irl and on a fixed income and sometimes that 20 bucks real life is hard to come by.

So, I started considering LaQ heads a while ago though I hadn't seen the right head for me yet. I did go ahead and buy the hud when it was on sale just to have it when the time came. If you don't know, LaQ has a great system where you purchase the hud one time and it works with any of their bento heads. I like this also because it means things like your preset colors for hair base are universal from head to head, even makeup looks and animations are saved and can be used on any head. The heads themselves are only 1500L which is a much less painful pill to swallow.

So enter Sandy. She's a recent release from last month's Uber and now in the store both skin and head.

I'm wearing the Sandy skin applier with the Sandy head and the brand new NextGen body appliers. I couldn't be happier with the result! In my humble opinion, I think she's absolutely beautiful and makes me look beautiful too.

Unlike other heads, LaQ heads work with system eyes and have a unique eye fx to give your eyes and face more life. I ran right over to pick up new eyes from Ikon in my trademark purple to wear with this.

I'm wearing lipstick by Pink Fuel made for LaQ heads (size B) in the Sparkle and Shine set. And eyeshadow by Izzie's also made for LaQ heads. My hair base is by Siiix called Yemenese. The omega version worked perfectly for me.

My eyelashes are also by LaQ, the Glam02 lashes available at the main store.

I am wearing a shape by West End called Sarah made for the Sandy head. I've tweaked it quite a bit for my own aesthetic but I couldn't have gotten this look without that starting point. ♥

My absolutely beautiful hair s by Phoenix hair. It's called Mishon and is the new release for Fameshed Go. I really love these big beautiful curls. ♥

Now on to the rest of what I'm wearing. I've been a fan of Scandalize for some time, their designs are often fresh and unique and sexy and the color palette is varied and vibrant. I buy fatpacks as much as possible, that's how much I love this brand's clothing. Also the group gifts are very generous and always stunning.

This dress really is a great example of the quality you can expect with Scandalize. I wear Maitreya body and I couldn't ask for a more smooth and perfect fit, yet I could still wear a mesh panty underneath it without it showing through. The patterned studs on the smooth dress texture is really amazing and as I said above the color palette is wonderful.  Here's a look at the full length dress and shoes.

Girl look at my booty! Like I said the fit is wonderful and look at how smooth the patterning of studs is over the surface of the dress in both pictures. The silhouette and style of the dress is also very flattering.

I'm also wearing the matching Diamande shoes, you can get both at the new round of Shiny Shabby. Below is a better look at the shoes which again fit perfectly and are made beautifully.

Finally, as usual, I am maxed out on jewelry so I'll start from the bottom and work my way up. I'm wearing a butterfly anklet on both sides by Avaway. On my hands is a ring set by SpotCat and bracelets by Supernatural.

My armlets are also by Avaway and are called Cindy. My necklace and earrings are by Zuri's Jewels and I splurged on the elite set v3 since opals are my birthstone. I'm weairng the magic pixie ears and bindi by Swallow. Lastly my nail appliers are by Cazimi. I really enjoy these and have several appliers from this brand, the colors are great and their nail pack comes with several appliers all packaged together so I can apply omega to my Empire coffin nails and maitreya to my toes all from the same folder.

The little twinkle you see on my body is my Stripper Dust by Cynful. I love it, sparkles on my body <3

For those of you who just want the deets and the slurls, see below :)

Basics
Head - LaQ Sandy head worn with Sandy face appliers and new NextGen body appliers for Maitreya.
Body - Maitreya Lara with included bento hands and high feet.4.1
Shape - Sarah by West End for Laq Sandy head, edited by me.
Hair - Mishon by Phoenix Hair for Fameshed Go August round.
Eyes - System eyes by Ikon in Odyssey series - Darkstar.

Outfit:
Dress - Diamande by Scandalize for Shiny Shabby August round
Shoes - same as above.

Accessories:
Ears - Magic Pixie by Swallow
Bindi and piercings (Jahanara) by Swallow -
Necklace and earrings - Spellbound V3 Elite by Zuri's Jewelry
Armlets - Cindy and Anklets - Butterfly by Avaway Jewelry
Bracelets - Drih Silver by Supernatural
Bento rings - Nightlife by Spotcat
Coffin nails - Medium Maitreya by Empire

Appliers:
Lashes - Glam02 by LaQ
Lipstick - Sparkle & Shine B size by Pink Fuel
Eyeshadow - Spring Eyeshadow by Izzie's for Laq (and other heads too)
Hairbase - Yemenese by Siix on mp
Nail appliers by Cazimi, and I'm sorry I forgot which applier set, I think this is Picture Perfect.

My backdrop is by Mons, one of their beautiful 3d backdrops - Leaf Photoshoot Decor Spring. I also put this on the ground so it would look like I was standing on or at least amongst same leaves.

My poses are all by BellePoses though I didn't write down which ones. They are all great just go look!

I uses Tillie's Pose Stand and hud.  And my windlight was one by Satomi Masukami. There are tons of windlight settings to download if you look, I wanted a bright warm look and used ultra settings to take these photos.

You can click each pic for a larger view or if you prefer you can check out my flickr.

Read More

Tired and Frustrated - tldr post

It's been a while since I've posted here. A lot of things have happened both irl and in sl and while some of it is very good and gives me a lot of happiness, some things are not so good and 1 or 2 have been downright awful.

I've run into something that weirdly enough I've never encountered before. See, for me... sl offers me the best chance of an abiding relationship. I'm not interested in random pixel banging and I'm not here to count notches on my virtual bed post. When I was younger in sl, I did some of that, but I guess I sowed my wild oats or something... that's not me now, at all.

I've been in sl for 12 years, sure I've taken some longish breaks away from it but... for all intents and purposes, 12 years. That's a long time to stay with anything and over that time... well that's a lot of water under the bridge. That's a lot of time to have all sorts of experiences, some good some bad some in between.

And, I don't care what anyone says, virtual relationships are still relationships. Our brains just aren't equipped to see it differently, unless you approach everything like it's a game and like people in sl are merely constructs without feelings. I think this is a horrible way to see other people and I want no part in that.

So... when I find someone I like... and they clearly think a virtual relationship is inferior,  a fantasy only, well that hurts in a major way.

Especially since, if I'm honest, well sure it's inferior. As much as it gives me pleasure to see our avatars embracing, it's definitely not the same as being embraced physically. How can it be?

But, then I think how much it often hurts me to be physically touched. Fibromyalgia is no fucking joke in that department. The slightest touch can set off a jangle of nerves that makes me want to cry. A whole hug is all but impossible on some days. And to think of anything further?...

So... then that virtual hug looks a whole lot better. It feels good and doesn't hurt. Plus there are other things... my chances of a real life relationship are small...due to health and other reasons. Is it really so wrong to be looking for a virtual replacement?

I just feel frustrated by this. I'm so hurt, and the whole thing makes me tired, mentally and emotionally. The human desire for love and companionship, I think it's the most natural of impulses.  I don't know why it's so hard.

I'm really sick right now with a bad infection, I'm taking these huge amoxicillin pills twice a day so that's got me down also. Infections are extra stressful for me because I have total adrenal failure so I think everything seems more dramatic to me right now.

I just want to be loved, the way everyone else does. I want to be with someone smart and compassionate, loving and strong... I don't know how to find someone like that. I sure seem to be doing it wrong at any rate.

Perhaps I'm wrong to put this out there... to pour out my heart like this. But I'm really sad, and tired, and frustrated... and venting that may help me put myself back together.

And I want to say that I'm really grateful to my sl family, my dear Dame and Sin, my lovely Lessa, Brian and Dresden. I'd be so much worse off without you all and I love you very much.

I'm blessed in both family and friends and I don't forget that. My sl is mostly very happy.

I just... want more.  I don't think it's wrong to want more, I really don't.

Read More

Dayum Jeans

I don't often do solely fashion posts and I also don't do them so quick and dirty but I don't have a lot of time and I wanted to basically just post quickly - especially about these jeans but also about everything I'm wearing.

So here goes.

These are the new "Nora" Jeans from Vanilla Bae, currently available at Equal 10 until August 5th.

I do wish people would not be going to this naming convention of merely numbering the colors as I have a much harder time guessing what number 15 is in my inventory than I do snow or cloud or even just white. Since the items are not mod, I can't rename them for my own use, so it makes it difficult.

But that being said, these jeans are definitely Dayum jeans as described to me by a gentleman friend of my acquaintance. He further mentioned how good they make my butt look which I cannot help but agree. See for yourself.

On top of how great they look on, these jeans are also strippable, meaning you can allow certain people to click the jeans to gradually open them. I'll link you to Vanilla Bae's flickr ad so you can see that for yourself.

As you can see, they also come in fits for several mesh bodies. I initially bought two pair and went back and bought two more after I saw these on.

My pictures were taken at the event using the highest possible quality with no local lights. The only editing I've done was to sharpen up the snapshots after cropping and resizing then adding a little watermark.

When I got home, I decided I wanted to show off this top and hair a bit more than I had done. This top is so pretty. It's the Deja top from CandyDoll, presently at C88 until around the fifth of August.

The tops come in solids, a pack of solids or individual patterns or a pack of patterns. Due to budget constraints and the fact that I feel patterns are much less often offered, I just bought the pattern set which is huge and varied. The top also texture changes the top ruffles, the bottom band and the sleeve cuffs for the maximum mix and match possibilities. It's a really gorgeous top and I love it.

The cute hair is also an offering at Equal10 by Sintiklia and comes with the most adorable baby hairs which you can turn off and on as you please as well as a style hud to place the pony on either side or in back plus the color huds of your choice. You can also wear the hair with a pony on each side if you like.  My only quibble is the same one I often have with mesh hair in sl which is that it sometimes looks thin and that it would be improved by a tiny bit of extra flexi attachment to give it more movement. That being said, it's still a beautiful hair and I've been wearing it for 3 days now, lol.

The rest of the style notes are below. I am wearing the new magic pixie ears from Swallow currently out at Kustom9. K9 is open until August 10 for this round. Here's a link to the flickr page for these ears which are absolutely beautiful and fun to wear. I have several pairs of Swallow mesh ears and have always been happy with them.

Again the above photo was taken in ultra settings, local lights off, my usual windlight setting and the only editing was cropping, sharpening, resizing and watermarking. Poses used were merely from my ao, the Zoe full bento no face from Vista.


Basics

Body - Maitreya Lara 4.1 with bento hands and high feet included
Head - Catwa Lona 3.2
Shape - Lucia from Lilo's Fit. (please note this place does not usually offer demos and I have modded it a good bit since I first bought it.)
Skin - Minji from Pink Fuel in Apricot with matching body appliers from Pink Fuel

Appliers
Eyeshadow - Daytime set by AlaskaMetro on lower, I love sparkles 2 by Shiny Stuffs on upper
Lipstick - Daytime set by AlaskaMetro on lower, Lip service plain gloss by Shiny Stuffs on upper
Eyelashes - Kpop your face by Shiny Stuffs
Hairbase - Peruvian by Siix on Marketplace
Nail Polish - Gradient Jewels nails by Livia

Accessories
Delicate Ring Stacks by Yummy
Drih bracelets in gold by Supernatural
Valari Metal Hoop Earrings by Gossamer Jewelry
Single Diamond Heart on Nail by Zoz (group gift)
Magic Pixie Ears by Swallow
Medium Coffin Nails by Empire
Stripper Dust by Cynful 
Heavenly Ranger Aura blue by Cole's Corner
Girl Power Star Spiral Aura blue by Cole's Corner

Clothing
Nora Jeans by Vanilla Bae #15
Deja Top by CandyDoll Patterns Pack
Ghana Sandals by Essenz

Read More

Updates

Just a quickie post to say I updated my wishlist and playlist if anyone is interested.

Read More

So...Absinthe Dreams

I'm hosting now a few times a week at this beautiful club, owned by my new adoptive family. The music is eclectic and we also have live performers there. I was really scared the first time I hosted but gradually I am getting the hang of it and finding that I enjoy it. The kind tips I receive also help my shopping addiction. ;)

You can find directions to Absinthe Dreams here, and check out their page on SocialVR here.
Especially check out the beautiful photos of the club. Like this one, taken by my big brothers Brian and Dresden.

It's been a little over a week since my last post which is longer than I usually like to go but, there's been rough spots healthwise with a lot of super bad headaches and some fibro flaring. But right now, knock wood, I'm doing pretty well.

There's also been some real highs and lows relationship wise as well. I realize now I did what I always do which is hope too hard and throw myself in heart first. I don't know that I know how to be any different... maybe this is part of my "never really grew up" thing that people comment on from time to time. I always think that love will win out, even though I have ample proof that isn't the case. I feel stupid about this and I guess it looks like I don't respect others' thoughts. If wishes were fishes and all that.

But on the upside, I've been accepted by both the Rhodes-Lescher family and by the Dame and Sin Ross family. I can't complain about that, in fact I'm very happy and grateful for their love and kindness. It feels good to be a sister again and to have that sense of belonging.

 

 I didn't take pics of myself this time for a surprise, ha, but I did take this one of Dame and I, also edited by me. I hope later to take pictures with other family members too.

More blogging soon. ♥

Read More

In this house...I do love...

I haven't been blogging much mostly cause of two things 1) I've been busy because I moved into a new place on second life and 2) my head is killing me every single day. The little imps in my skull need to give it a rest already.

There's also a new development happening in my slife which is keeping me smiling even through the pain. I keep hanging on as they say

Saw this, and yeah... it's just me in my house, but the ideas still apply.

My new home is on the Island of M., it's so beautiful there. I took some beauty shots of it.

I can't take credit for most of the decor and landscaping, that was done by the talented owner of the island. It's very private so Im not mentioning names or anything like that. My pictures were taken in super large pixel size using windlight settings from Jackson Redstar aka Jax. You can download them in a zip file here.

On this last pic though most of the decor is mine, aside from the rails, thermometer and surfboard and I like how it looks so far. :)

 Edit: 1) I changed and moved things around so now it looks like this. -  

I didn't edit the image so it its what it is, but I'm happy. This is just a gyazo shot, and ignore the chair that didn't rez completely.  LOL

Anyway. Decor is from all over so, sorry folks no credits cause I'm evil. Except that that Hey Ya'll sign is from a gacha by Brixley. I'm very fond of it.

 

Here's a couple shots of me sitting in those chairs (i changed it from this blue teal to white) gotta love porch sitting.

Style notes: Lona Head  - Catwa, Maitreya Lara Body, Lilo's Fit shape edited heavily, eye appliers by Arte, hair base by e.vary, lipstick by LuxRebel, Eyeshadow by AlaskaMetro and Shiny Stuffs (i layered them) Tattoo by Nanika, hair by Dela, top by...  honestly don't remember. Decor by various. Ears by Swallow, Necklace by Cae

Read More

Mermaid Melody - and Particles for Beginners.

I have so much going on in my head, I am not even sure where to begin. Except, maybe, Serendipity is a beautiful thing.

A lot of very wonderful experiences and things are coming into my life lately in this way. It's true, the un looked for is so often the best.

Yesterday was a terrible, no good, very bad day - a grown up version. (as re the kid's book, Alexander and the Terrible No Good Very Bad Day.)

If you're first visiting my blog thanks for coming by and be advised my auto immune system is basically a big fat mess, and on top of that I have fibromyalgia and migraines and whoo boy. So, yesterday, not good.

However, I'm a silver linings girl. And even though most of yesterday was a giant mess... there were some good parts.

Of the good.: My friend Brian gave me a cute purple microphone the other day and I discovered that it actually goes to a full anime girl type costume. It was gacha parts and I invested to get all the parts. The pictures are just from gyazo as I didn't have time or energy for something more grand.

I did some research on this  costume and evidently it's a very decent replica of an outfit worn by the character Hanon in the anime Mermaid Melody. I love that so much. :)

Anyway!

Random other bits. I feel kind of annoyed and singled out lately. I wear particles, they make me happy. You can turn those off in your viewer so being asked to take them off just is rude as far as I"m concerned. I'm not hurting a damn soul and you're mistaken if you think particles cause you lag. Particles are made from very very tiny images, that's the first thing. And usually these days very very tiny scripts. And like I said, you can easily turn off seeing them in your viewer if you so wish.

How to do that? well couple of ways.. in firestorm you can turn them off right from quick preferences, there's a spot that has a slider. Slide one way less or no particles. Slide another way and yay particles. I believe you can do it under graphics preferences where, again, a slider governs how many or if any that you see.

I'm working on some pictures to post but I'm running into a few issues. I do wish that pose makers would take into account that not everyone is a member of the itty bitty titty committe. Lol .I like saying that. Nothing wrong if you are a member of said committee, I know a lot of models are due to requirements. But I am not.. and it'd be nice not to have that be an issue with my pics.

Here's an example.

Now, this is a perfectly good picture, a good one even. But look at my own arm. It's in my hair and in my chest and no matter what I do to make it look right, it's just going to kind of be a mess. If the pose were up just a little higher it would work better.

I did some magic on her hair here, not sure if I'm totally satisfied. more later. :)

Read More

Teal State of Mind

It's really difficult to know what to call these posts as far as a title sometimes. This one is just from the photos of my avatar I like to put at the end. She has a teal outfit on; it's not that deep.

Recently some things happened that made me rethink that whole... looking for a Dom deal. Don't get me wrong... it's not that I don't still want one... but basically I'm tired of kissing frogs*. And I'm tired of having that be the focus of my whole sl. Like I think if I'm not 'on the job' looking, then I'm doing something wrong. And upon reflection, I feel that's a load of crap.

Even before I left previously, I had noticed a sharp shift in the way people in sl related to BDSM. I'm sure it's partly due to that horrible "Gray" book, but also simply a sort of power trip people who think they are anonymous go on to begin with - it's the same mentality that makes people troll message boards and wank endlessly online over whatever stupid thing is the flavor of the day. I.E. they think they can do or say whatever they want because hey it's the internet.

And to a certain extent, they can, as long the status quo remains the same or no one chooses to speak out. And I know from painful experience that one voice alone doesn't pull too much weight. Gravity, in terms of mass appeal, is damn hard to get started.

I got into a conversation the other day with someone I think of as a legend in his own mind about the issue of respect. He, like many others, seems to feel that lip service should be paid to him based solely on his declaration that he is a Dominant. But for me this is a case of "show me the money." I'm simply not built to blindly give someone "Respect" in the form of kneeling or calling them by a title simply because he holds up a big sign that says "Look How Dominant I am."

Even back in the day I never did that. I respect everyone as human beings worthy of basic courtesy and consideration. But if someone wants me to *really* respect and trust them as a Dom, as my personal Sir? They gonna have to work. And like Fifth Harmony sang, I'm worth it.

Mere possession of a penis, real or prim is not enough of a reason for me to call someone sir. Dressing in black, long hair or whatever else someone thinks proves he's all that, is not enough for me. Show me the money**.

The other thing that happened, has to do with a sim which I like to visit from time to time. I've been going there for some years now. I was never more than a casual visitor, attending some of the gatherings but staying on the periphery. The reason why is that the sim's prime purpose has to do with rp based on the story of O. I'm not judgy, I feel everyone has the right to lead their online life any way they please so long as it's consensual and all that. But I've never been attracted to that particular flavor of bdsm and so kept it casual.

Now, I like this sim. I think some good basic bdsm education is going on there. Good conversation, nice social gathering and so on. But recently two women whom I greatly respect and like left the sim on the grounds that the leader of said sim called safe wording topping from the bottom. Aside from my horror and essential wtf reaction to him saying that... I am truly devastated for these ladies and in a more distant way for myself. I'm not sure that I feel comfortable going there even casually knowing that this is a feeling there. I also was privy to their farewell notecards and they each referred to things going on behind the scenes which they'd chosen to accept or ignore which... I don't think should be accepted or ignored.

It's common it seems in online bdsm to simply tell submissives, especially female ones, that in order to be submissive they must completely forget they are also human with needs, wants, feelings, thoughts of their own. Folks, choosing to sublimate one's own desires in order to please or serve someone else's is submission. Operative word choice. It should not be an out of hand expectation. I choose who I trust with this power and he better live up to his end of the bargain.

I'm not going to lecture on this topic, but I do want to just briefly touch on this other thing. A safe word is the linchpin upon which safe, sane and consensual turns on. Without it, abuse creeps in and makes submission more like slavery.*** To call it topping from the bottom is not only horribly insulting, it sounds like a Dominant having a fucking temper tantrum and frankly he can kiss my metaphorical ass. Never ever give a new sub the idea that using her safeword makes her a bad sub. Just don't. That's abusive in itself since 90 percent of the submissives I know, including myself have a basic fear of being a bad, less worthy person as it is.

I'm the type of sub who really detests using a safe word. I'm performance motivated to an extent. I'm a perfectionist. For me, using a safe word feels like failing, like being flawed. That being said, I cherish the fact that I can safeword if I need to without judgement or punishment or disapproval. I'm for damn sure not using it for manipulation purposes. My limits have to do with very real panic triggers among other things and having to safe word is the last thing I ever want to do. 

I desperately want to be loved, want to be good enough, want to feel cherished. Safe wording should not make me feel less good, less worthy because some damn fool has an ego problem and thinks I might be trying to manipulate him. Use your head for something other than holding your hat on. 

The worst of it is. I'm already broken, busted into a thousand thousand pieces. So many of us are in this world. It's how we get on with it that matters. How we put ourselves back together and look at the world after the breaking, that's what defines us. I could spend all my time being bitter, being angry, trying to make every person pay for my pain. But I don't want to. I refuse to put myself in that box. 

That doesn't mean I don't have some mighty big scars. Places that make me look with skepticism instead of trust. Times when I'm expecting a blow instead of a kiss because been there done that. If you dismiss me, I will dismiss you, harder. If you hurt me, you will cease to exist for me. 

It hurts me to think of this person who I liked, who I respected... suddenly doing such a 180. It hurts me that the bdsm community in sl seems solely interested in counting coup. So many girls. So much pixel banging. Whatever. 

So, if something right for me in that regard happens, great. But if it doesn't, I can still have happiness and fun.And I deserve all the smiles I can find. 

Footnotes:

*Bearing in mind I wasn't doing much kissing or anything else. I'm a picky bitch and sex animations in sl tend to make me laugh.

**I'm not talking about literal money here. I mean show me something of substance that makes me feel compelled to respect you, that makes me feel that  indefinable way.  (and btw, people are stingy af... a little generosity towards someone you claim to want in your sl goes a long way)

***I'm not kink shaming here. I'm well aware that some people want to feel immersed in slavery or at least rp it out. Whatever your kink, that's fine for you. But nobody should feel entitled to force that on someone else.

Fashion credits because Stella asked me about them:

Head - Lona by Catwa, skin applier Minji in biscuit by Pink Fuel, basic body shape by Lilo's Fit edited by me. hair - Mizu in milk by Analog Dog (this is an older hair), eye shadow Dreamgirls pastel by Adored, lipgloss - sparkle and shine by Pink Fuel - eyelashes part of the Kpop Your Face for catwa by Shiny Stuffs, (i'm also wearing some plain sparkles on the upper layer from the I love sparkles 2 set by Shiny Stuffs) hairbase - babyhair base by L'etre, outfit by Sweet e's - teal tank and cherryblossom shorts, shoes - Riri - by Phedora, nails - Stilleto medium by Empire, rings - festival rings by Yummy - nail polish by Hello Dave - fabfree group gift (spring fades) - necklace - gypsy hoop choker by maxi gossamer, earrings ashira hoops 3 by maxi gossamer, ears - princess ears by Swallow, body sparkles are - Sparkling Body in Unicorn by Avenge, Eye appliers by Euphoric from the Enigma set, body - Maitreya Lara, poses by Hera & Semotions, backdrop by me, windlight - phototools absinthe light

Read More

Two best cures

I went looking for quotes about sleep because I wanted to write about my own constant battles with regard to sleep. And I found this.

And I thought, well that's so damn true, really. Both are a kind of release, and a kind of refreshment for the mind and soul. Even an orgasm isn't the refreshment that a laugh or a long sleep can be.

Today I had a long sleep. It was for once cool out, and I try not to run the air conditioner and mostly do fine with fans. I'm from the south and I acclimate much more easily to heat than I do to cold. I don't even sweat that much.

But it was cool, in the high 60's and raining. I had my windows open so the cool rainy breeze blew in and the rain pattered and pounded on my patio and I *slept*. For me sleep feels like the holy grail sometimes. That unreachable mythical thing I can never get or find or keep.

So it was precious. I woke to do the things like drink water, and then directly back to sleep with a breeze in my face and just the right amount of light covers wrapped around me. I woke up at last, truly awake and felt renewed. I felt better than I have in days, with very little pain and not the weird sense of tightness inside me. It felt like a blessing.

It won't last, these moments of feeling good don't any more. But I cherish it while I have it. I'll take a long shower in a bit and put on clean clothes and there I'll be.

For the moment, cured.

Took these two shots last night before I logged off. Caught my avi with her eyes closed thought well I'll save it.

top is by candy kitten, hair by wasabi, skin and lips by pink fuel, ears by swallow, eyes by euphoric, body glitter by avenge, heart particles by cole's corner.

avaunt ye.

Read More

Practically Magic

Practical Magic is one of my favorite movies of all time. It's starting to date now, but I still love it. As I was getting ready to make this post... I started to think about things that make me dizzy, how I've felt confused and off balance. And this quote from the movie came to mind.

Gillian Owens: You ever put your arms out and spin really, really fast?
Antonia Owens: She does it all the time.
Gillian Owens: She does? Well, that’s what love is like. It makes your heart race. It turns the world upside down. But if you’re not careful, if you don’t keep your eyes on something still, you can lose your balance. You can’t see what’s happening to the people around you. You can’t see that you’re about to fall.

When I came back to sl, I thought I knew what I wanted out of being here, and who I wanted to be. But, as time goes by and I see what makes me smile,and also what doesn't. My feelings about that have changed. I just want to be me. I just want to be the playful, silly, girlish and sometimes maybe immature person that I am.

I'm old in years, and certainly old in negative experiences. But as one therapist puts it, those experiences put marks on your life. Before and after. For me, in some ways, there never was an after or if there was it was much slower than for normal people. People who didn't have those experiences.

So yeah, I may be a number as far as age but how I feel.. who I am... is very different than that.

I'm gonna just be me now. The girl addicted to shoes. The girl who wants to hug the world. The girl who cries at sad movies and can't handle scary ones.

I want to be loved and appreciated. Doesn't everyone? But, if it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, I'm okay just being me.

Thanks for reading.

Read More